Abused

It all started when my mother died. I was 8 at the time. My father was unable to handle the loss so he started to drink. I was so confused and at the time I didn't understand what was happening. To me I had lost both my parents that year. It wasn't until I was 9 that he started hitting me. It started with a slap here or there but it slowly continued. I thought I had done something wrong. As the years went on everything got worse. I just want to leave but I've tried but he always finds me. I'm st